owwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

OMG I was attacked by the PT today!She pushed it so hard I started at 65 degrees and finished at 90 after 30 minutes that just shows how much she pushed me I came home and took meds put ice on it and passed out for 2 hours!

Then after sorting my meds out I realised I had none left I am so stupid!So it will be late Thursday now before I get any!

We are at the hospital tomorrow for Scott's kidney appointment I hope it's ok news we can't take much more bad news.

My poor brother is struggling to he has found out his girlfriend has been cheating on him so he has moved out of the family home and had to leave his little girl behind,he is an amazing dad and would never be any less after the way our father treated us.I hope things work out for them I hate seeing him unhappy xx

Boring.....

I haven't been on for a while seems I don't have much to report :(

After my appalling wait (4 hours) to see my surgeon the other day I have been busy busy busy doing lots of physio in hope he has a bit more respect for me when I go back in October!

I have done a bit more around the house this weekend and I seem to be steadier on my feet as long as it isn't straight after physio.

I spent a lovely few hours with a friend on Saturday and booked my best friend's hen do to Egypt last night I cannot wait :)

Angry upset pissed off......

I don't understand why I ended up in this position I have needed her love support and help for weeks now and I have had barely anything she showed a few moments of love when she sent me a hamper to the hospital and came and got me for breakfast but beside that all I have had is the compulsory calls every day.

She was phoned a few weeks ago and it was her friends daughter who they have been estranged from for many months to be told her Grandad was dying and she jumped into action and did everything she possibly could for them,now do not get me wrong I am not saying she shouldn't be doing all this but why didn't she show this much compassion for me?Am I jealous of a dying old man?Yes I suppose I am I have never had that much love from her some day maybe.............

I'm taking on the world today!

After only an hours sleep on Saturday night I slept for 9 whole hours last night it was wonderful :)

I have also lost 4lbs in a week which has made me even happier!!

So I started my physio this morning and feel on top of the world,my knee bends are still giving me a bit of grief and they are hard to do but I will persevere with icing and pain meds to get through them.

I need to be careful this week and rest as I have a funeral Wednesday which could result in a long day and then the trip to the hospital on Friday.

So lots of rest this week!

2nd Physio

And I am cheesed off :( I did get to 65 degrees so I went up 10 degrees in a week and a bit but it's not enough and he thinks the surgeon will suggest an MUA next week I really don't want to go down to theatre again but if I have to I will :(

I'm not sure i fancy staying in that crappy hospital again though!Wonder if hubby will pay for private???

Hubby's days off....

and all he does is clean clean clean clean!:(

I hate it I feel so bad for him he must be shattered!We barely get time to see each other on his days off he has that much to catch up on :(

I just wish we could sit and watch a DVD I've asked him to leave it but he won't :(

So I haven't gone to physio because my belly was killing me this morning,so I have changed it to Thursday instead.

According to my GP I have take 6 sachets of Movicol today in a litre of water so I am to start drinking it in a minute god I hope it helps!

I will keep you all informed,my posts have been so informative the last few days!LOL!!

Sorry for the absence

So it's been a few days since my last post where I was having a total stress out!

My lovely hubby totally understood and even brought me home prepared salad bowls so I could easily carry them in my pockets or a bag over my shoulder to the table to the table or somewhere more comfy he is a star :)

Saturday night friends came round for takeaway and to watch X Factor and it was nice to have a laugh and chill out but it exhausted me and it was so sore sitting on the couch for those few hours!

Sunday a good friend that lives in a different town about 45 minutes away took me and Scott out for lunch it was a perfect day that resulted in a night of agony and this morning by belly was so sore as I am still suffering constipation I'm probably only going once a week!I have upped my intake of fibre and Movicol and even invested in some yukky prune juice so hopefully I will go soon!IT'S THE MORPHINE that is causing it so there isn't an awful lot I can do about that until the pain eases and I reduce the meds.

Mood was a bit low today but I think it was just because I has such a lovely weekend and reality hit in today when Scott went to work and the kids went to school and I was all alone!

Physio tomorrow :) I am looking forward to seeing if I have increased some knee bend I have been trying very hard!

My other knee is giving me a bit of grief I hope he doesn't want to do the latteral release too soon :(

24th September is the day I see my surgeon I will have a list of questions!!

Complete meltdown

Well I have had a bit fo a meltdown and I know I am acting like a complete bitch and being horrible to my husband and I will have to grovel big time when he comes home but I just don't know where these emotions are coming from!

So again I got barely anysleep last night so I have tried so hard this morning to fall asleep and everytime I do domething wakes me or I feel like I'm not sleeping properly or pain wakes me so I still haven't managed even an hour :(

So I decided to go down and make some lunch and the sandwich is the easiest thing because I can wrap it up pop it in a bag and carry it through to a room or table but I went in the fridge and there was no meat cheese anything and Scott did a £100 shop online that was delivered yesterday so I lost it and rang him and asked him why he hadn't ordered anything and he said sorry I forgot but I still felt mad and wanted to shout so I quickly put the phone down before i said things I would later regret :( God how he must be going through hell at the moment I am so miserable all of the time and this was mean't to be our new start!

So I came back upstairs had a good cry and got a very long shower sat on my seat I will have to go and sit at the kitchen unit on my perching stool and eat a bowl of soup or something as it is the only way to do it but I just don't want too :(

Busy busy busy

With all my physio exercises I am doing them all the time it seems I think I over did yesterday though as my hips and back and knees hurt very odd!

I am sooooooooooooo tired even with all the sleeping tablets my doctor gave me!

A family friend has taken a turn for the worse this week after developing bone cancer a few months back and now he only has days to live so my mum is spending every spare minute there and she is also away on Sunday so there is no chance I will be able to get any help this weekend,in fact the help isn't always what I want the company would be nice too I sit here from 830am till 330pm most days and then when Scott gets in he is so busy bless him that we barely talk and by 8pm he is fast asleep and i'm alone again :(

It's a good job I have some wonderful computer friends who are here to chat and send me DVD's and books :) Where would I be without my cyber friends?

1st Physio appointment

So it started off interesting I was picked up by an ambulance and there was 2 people already on it the seat I had to sit on was far too high and really uncomfortable for me as I haven't got a good knee bend so I went on a 20 minute journey in pain on arrival the physio department was right at the back of the hospital at least a 5 minute walk and it was the first time in a week I had done this length of a walk so it was a struggle so even before I got with the physio I was in pain!

I needn't have worried though as we did NOTHING well I say nothing he measured my knee bend and felt my knee!We then spent the other 25 minutes discussing my medical history which drives me mad why don't they know it already!Oh and guess what he had no idea what SC was!No big surprise there!

He said he didn't know how to deal with me really and he didn't want to leave me in too much pain but he also doesn't want me not to achieve more knee bend so its a catch 22 situation!

So he gave me a whole load of exercises and said do as many as you feel can without being in pain and I will see you in a week!It was all very rushed as he was only allowed exactly 30 minutes with me!

Then on to the ambulance again 6 of us this time 2 who were sat with knees touching each other!One old dear had us in absolute stitches about her toilet antics!Another old man was taking the piss out of her it was so funny!

So I suppose I should get on with my exercises!

Oh and he said to still avoid weight bearing for now!Oh and I forgot my bend is 55 degrees so it has only gone up 10 degrees in nearly 5 weeks!

Help

Between us we need some help,Scott is working all the hours god sends and then coming home and cooking cleaning and looking after me,it's such a nightmare for him and all this and there could be people helping us and noone is.
I can't remember the last time a friend came to see me or ask if we needed help we are just struggling by and before long one of us is going to crack we are both totally exhausted.
We haven't smiled laughed or had fun for a month now and yes I know this is a hard struggle and it's not mean't to be fun but god please give us a break :(

A bit of housework

This is all I did,I chopped some fruit sat on a stool,I put a wash in the machine some on the maiden and some in the tumble and I am in complete agony so that's it I'm not doing any again!

SHAME!!!!!!!!

Back to resting it is then!

Sleep deprived

I am so tired I probably won't remember typing this post.......

I am barely getting 3 hours a night now I have tried all sorts of relaxation therapies and I have downloaded numerous apps on my Iphone but nothing helps!

I am either awake in pain or I can't get comfortable or I am having nightmares!So what's the answer?Sleep in the day?I wish!!In between the door going the phone ringing the kids shouting at me for something or the next doors dog yapping not to mention the disapproving look I get from Scott when he thinks I should try not to sleep in the day as that is why I don't sleep at night!I am basically surviving on about 4 hours maximum in a 24 hour period I have bags the size of Tesco bags for life under my eyes!My speech feels slurred I can't string a sentence together and I am so over emotional if I'm not screaming I'm crying!Hopefully it will all settle down eventually!

I feel like I could drop off now but Scott has just walked in after being at work since 5am so I feel it's a bit rude if I just start snoozing the minute he walks through the door!

It went so well :)

That I thought today deserved 2 posts!:)

Ciaran's best friend has come back to his school that makes me feel so bloody happy!!!!!!!!!!!!He was also given a job he is a door monitor and he is very proud about this!

On to the knee well it's hurt all day and I have had to take extra Oramorph all day I have had 3 lots of 5mls and I shouldn't really be needing this now I am on 40mg MST :( and I'm not doing any exercises barely!

I have tried to catch up some sleep too and I keep having horrible horrible dreams everytime I drop off,in todays I was stuck in a room and in my dream I felt like I was shouting at to let me out and honestly it felt so real it was just so odd :( When I did wake I had been asleep 15 minutes,this happens all the time too!Oh well maybe one day I will sleep for now I will just run on empty!

Just have to mention Lucia and her "mini dramas" I went shopping with her before my operation for bras so she didn't have to do it with Scott and I told her to buy white bras but she insisted that she wouldn't need them,fast forward to 5 minutes ago when she was screaming that you could see the bras through her shirts and what was I going to do about it!Well not much the evening before school!So off she huffed Kevin and Perry style!

Just before I go here is a quick update pic of my scar

Ciaran's first day of year 6

Looking back a year when he was starting year 5 and he was scared, nervous and didn't want to go I am glad so much has changed in the last year :)He was happy, excited and desperate to get there this morning :)

It certainly makes it easier for me knowing that he is so happy :)

So as he is off enjoying himself I will be rest rest rest resting!

I'm starting the day off with a crappy film as my silly On Demand box is broke!

Then I'm going to try and finally finish a book off!

I got up with Ciaran this morning and went downstairs to help with his breakfast not that I can do much it was more like he was helping me and god how I wished I had taken my meds first as after being downstairs for 30 minutes I was in absolute agony,Ciaran carried my brew back up the stairs for me and I have settled down for the morning